Airport Edition - The Don'ts #387

anyone guess where I am?

I got on a plane this morning around 5am. It was not a fun time. If you're traveling early in the morning one would suggest not doing any of this:

1. Unintentionally drinking a bottle of wine.
2. Unintentionally doing tequila shots.
3. Intentionally drinking more wine.
4. Playing JAY-Z. This only leads to more wine.
5. Watching The Hills whilst dozing on the couch.
6. Letting your older wise siblings* give you a bottle of Malibu. 
7. Waking up at 2:45am, and dashing to the bathroom. Your shuttle leaves in 10 minutes.
8. Running into the door because you think it's actually open.
9. Making your shuttle driver stop on the motorway because you have 'food poisoning'. Obvs. Note: the police don't like it when you pull over on the motorway.
10. Checking in at the counter and having to violently run towards the exit to project liquid out of your mouth like a hobo.
11. Sitting outside in the cold trying to disguise the puddle on the ground in front of you as harmless run off from your drink bottle that has not been closed properly.
12. Return inside ashamed.
13. Spend the next 1hr 45 min in the bathroom.
14. Eat some subway because it just looks SO good. This is your mind not communicating with your stomach properly aka self sabotage.
15. Return to your favourite hideout - the bathroom. 
16. Get you name announced over the loud speaker and ushered through customs.
17. See a friends mum who you haven't seen since you were 14. You hold your breath. 
18. Get on the plane and use the sound of take off to disguise the fact that you've filled up every sick bag within a 2metre radius.
19. Air hostess is lead to believe the chicken she just served you is bad. No-one else on the plane has the chicken. And you don't correct her because you don't want to be embarrassed. She gives you a giant blue trash sack and a row of 3 seats to yourself.And apologizes again, and again, and again.
20. As your leaving you're handed a voucher for $20 worth of free food. But you feel so bad that you gift it to the couple ahead.
21. You write this knowing very well your grandmother will read it but you still write it because it's kind of hilarious. Sorry Nana.

Morgs

*I'm an only child so by 'siblings' I mean my wonderful cousins.