Why do strange things always happen to me? #122

I always seem to find my self in these awfully strange situations. I am yet to come up with a good explanation as to why I am constantly plagued with this insanity. What's that I hear you say? Weird stuff happens to everybody? No I don't think you understand.

Let me give you an example.

I would like to elaborate a little more on point 5 from last weeks '5 Reasons why you have to travel'. So I went to the movies with a friend to watch The Avengers (great movie by the way). We picked nice seats on the righthand side of the cinema, close to the aisle, next to an elderly woman. I strategically chose our seats and considered them to be the best in the room (I'm very particular about that). So the movie runs smoothly and I'm really caught up in the storyline. You can tell that it's nearing the end because the fight scene is in the all-the-characters-ban-together-for-human-kind phase. I'm totally hooked. Literally just as (*spoiler alert) the antagonist 'gets served' by none other than The Incredible Hulk two panels drop out of the ceiling on our row of seats. I hear the two boys a few seats down say "What the f***". I ignore it and try to keep watching the movie. Next thing some sort of fluid starts gushing out of the ceiling. My first thought is 'holy crap there's a swimming pool above us we have to get out or we're going to die'. I suddenly turn into Bear Grylls. However, just as I go to do a pseudo gymnastics side vault over the elderly woman next to me I hear the two boys say, "WHAT THE F***! THIS IS SHIT DUDE. THERE'S SHIT ON ME!".

As soon as I heard that I kicked in to Forrest Gump mode and sprinted for the exit. At this point I assume the person I was with was 'lost in the field of battle'. Along with the elderly woman. I would like to say I apologize, but the truth is there was no way I was sticking round to be shat on. For the rest of the movie I stood with others from my row at the back of the cinema whilst the unfortunate boys tried to recover their possessions. As if you didn't think that was bad enough, the rest of the cinema goers told them [the boys] to shut up because they were still watching the movie. Those boys had a lot of self control because if someone had said that to me, after I'd just had a shower in their urine, I would have ringed out my t-shirt in their popcorn. Nonetheless the whole situation was hilarious. A true 4D experience.

The point I'm trying to make is that I always find myself in these really strange situations. I thought these sorts of things were normal and happen to everyone on a semi-daily basis. Turns out that's not the case. Here's my theory (you might want to take a seat) : I think that the all-great-powerful-optimus-prime-ish being that controls the universe makes all this stuff happen to me 1. Because they know I'll have a really retarded reaction, 2. Because they know i'll inappropriately laugh when it's obvious I shouldn't and 3. Because they know I'll be writing about it for you. Undeniable logic right thurr.

Peace, Morgs