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| I took this at my grandads house before I left. Such a great view. |
I try not to think 'what if', mainly because some rational thinking societal norm has put it in my brain that you shouldn't dwell on the past. However, sometimes that 'what if' creeps in. Such 'what if occurrences include:
What if I didn't crash into that power pole on my push bike? - Would I have a giant scar on my forehead? Obviously not.
What if I fed that baby possum I rescued jam instead of peanut butter? - Would it still be alive?
What if I took those ballet lessons as a child? - Would I be a dancer?
What if I went to that Whale Rider audition in year 8? - Should have gone. Idiot.
What if I kept pursuing my career in economics? - Would I be 'rich'? Yes. Would I be miserable? Absolutely.
What if I had a normal family with normal jobs and normal drama? - Would I be the person I am today? All signs point to no.
What if I won the lottery? But, do I want to win the lottery? Weirdly, no. I like the challenge of just 'living'.
What if I didn't go to America? - Same old shit?
What if I didn't start this blog? - Woh. Shut the front door.
What if I didn't start Pearl + Hammer? - next issue is due out in 3 months (shameless plug).
What if you weren't reading this? - What would you be doing right now? What would I be doing right now?
Aside all of those trivial past obsevations there is one 'what if' that I constantly think about. In December 2010 I was backpacking in Melbourne with a few friends. One night we came home to our residence, which was a pub aptly called the Exford Hotel, and as we were about to enter our room an American girl starting chatting to us. She was so friendly and every story she had was just a GREAT story. We stood in the doorway for about an hour just laughing at life before she asked us if we wanted to come hang out in her room. We all agreed and off we went across the hall. By this time it was about 1am. What followed was one of the best conversations I've ever observed and participated in. She explained how she was almost 30 and she'd just met some 22 year old guy and spent the night making out with him in the toilet and she felt totally 'too old'. We laughed. She then told us about her life and how she had just finished another arts qualification at some Harvard affiliated institution. She explained how just having the email address with the words @harvard in it 'opened doors'. But, it was what she did next made such an impact on me.
She showed us a book she was reading about computer coding. She told us she was reading it in the hope that she could teach herself enough to work at Twitter when she got home. At the time I don't think I understood how much that had an impact on me. I often think about it now, and it's partly because of that that I am so eager to learn and to keep learning. If you don't have the knowledge - teach yourself. And, there's only so much a tertiary education give you - staying current is your responsibility.
I also told her about a scholarship I had been given to travel to New York and study at UCLA. I told her I didn't take it. She looked at me with absolute horror. I distinctly remember her repeatedly saying, "Are you serious? Like, are you serious? You didn't take it?!".
I think I replied with something like, "Yeah it just seems a bit scary."
More of "Are you serious" followed.
She then told me about her brothers friend who lived in New York and would be happy to help me should I get the opportunity to go there again. I thought this was a bit weird at the time but now I know that's just what American's do - they like to help, and a friend of a friend is automatically your friend. I was then given a lecture about how I need to get out of New Zealand, and more specifically, go to New York. In my 'circa 2010 mental state' I nodded and agreed with very little intent on following through. Little did I know the seed had been planted.
It got to 4am and we all decided it was probably wise to get some sleep. Before leaving, the wonderful American girl then made a point of adding us all on facebook (facebook was pretty fresh at that point). From that day on, each time we facebook chatted she would ask when I was heading to America. I think that persistent reminder that there were 'greener pastures' really contributed to the decisions I made.
I often think, what if this American girl hadn't decided to be so friendly at midnight in some random pub in Melbourne? I don't know. But I am so so so thankful.
Morgs
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